happy birthday?

I hate my birthday sometimes. I have had lots of sucky experiences (that were NOT the fault of my negative, pessimistic self, thank you very much!) especially for my 16th and beyond. So now I get apprehensive every time my birthday approaches. Last night I REALLY decided to try and have a positive attitude and try the whole "it is what you make it" thing. Annnnnnd...it doesn't work so well for me. I've already had an emotional breakdown, a fight with my husband and now I'm sitting here tired and twiddling my thumbs waiting to go back to work. Now, of course it isn't ALL negative. I've had a couple spots that made me smile and gave me some encouragement that I still have the rest of the day ahead of me. But I just don't get it. I don't get this huge specialness to a day that's like any other. What am I going to do today? I'm going to work, hopefully workout (except I felt so crappy when I just tried to run that I had to stop), take care of my kiddo, do laundry and fit a nap in if I can. I'm going to make dinner tonight and hopefully make it to bed before 9pm. That's my day. Nope, not going to see the family (haven't even received any birthday wishes from them), not going out to eat, not anything else. Why? Because I'm miss practical who has to take care of all of the usual stuff and there just isn't much left after that.

I just want the day to be over with already so I can move on and not pretend that this day is any different or any more special.